So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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