At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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