how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
