Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
