Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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