Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
