due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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