Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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