So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
