weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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