dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
did you just send me my own nude
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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