It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
