That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
