They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Randomize
