I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
