Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
