My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
