...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
