so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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