This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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