I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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