i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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