yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
