i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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