Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
