none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
