party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
