Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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