Yo dont text me then not text me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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