Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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