who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
