the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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