youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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