you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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