And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
