I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
