The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
