Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You made out with two different species that night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Someone signed my nipple.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
