It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
