i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
