I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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