is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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