Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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