glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
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