It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
