my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
