Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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