i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
