So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
