I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
