I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
