I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
