Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
