we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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