that's an acceptable place to lick
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
