you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
