I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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