I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
