My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
