Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
