Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
