I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
